We got 30cm of snow last night. I’m snowed in and it suits me just fine.
A friend is coming to visit later on today. If the snow plow hasn’t come by then I will walk up the road in my snowshoes to meet her.
A question for all you ladies. If you were on your way to pay a fellow a visit, would you be turned on at the thought of him getting himself off all day long in anticipation of your arrival?
Or would you prefer if he saved it all up for you, one big snow-white Xmas present of a load? This pressing issue is uppermost on my mind, as I sit here in my country kitchen and kick back and relax in a pair of toasty warm long-johns.
People sometimes ask me what life is like, living all alone way out in the middle of the woods. So I made this video of a day in the life on my large country estate. This is just me, hanging out on a typical winter day in Gaspereau Forks, New Brunswick, Canada:

Most important meal of the day.

Naked dance parties are the best.
…You’re looking real tasty. You’re looking like a meal.
soundtrack: Le Le – Breakfast

Oh, hey–sorry I missed your last message.
I had to go take a long, hot bath after I came all over myself while sitting on the couch staring at your tits on a computer screen.

Hey. I’m on the Newfoundland ferry. We’re just about to dock in North Sydney. Three shows left in the Alcohol/Violence Tour 2008.
I took something from a hot girl and I’m going to use it in a sexual ritual. I left something behind too. She sent me a text message that said “You left a little hickey and it’s cute.” OK. I left you a cute little hickey. Did you see these claw marks on my body? I look like I’ve been mauled by a wild animal.
Meanwhile, The Chauffeur is turning into a celebrity in her own right. All the ladies are intrigued at the possibility of being driven around and getting it on limo-style in the actionmobile. So I made her a facebook profile. She’s way too much of a voyeur to reveal anything about herself on facebook. But the deal is, you will add her, and then she will log in and silently glide through your photo albums, while getting herself off picturing all the exquisite possibilities.
Lady Chauffeur has quite a way with women, and she has a way of making things happen. Which I respect.
Get up on it like this:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1631596849
I also gave her an email address at chauffeur[at]hotaction[dot]ca. Send her something sexy. Would anyone else like one of these email addresses? You @ hotaction dot ca? It would forward right to your normal email, but with the added benefit of a certain cachet, if you’re giving it out to dudes in bars or whatever. Make me an offer I can’t refuse.
Ferry’s docking, I gotta go… we’re gonna drive through the night to Halifax and probably sleep in the van.
Thurs Nov 20 – Fredericton @ The Capital w/Ruby Jean and the Thoughtful Bees
Fri Nov 21 – Halifax @ Gus’s Pub w/The Kettle Black, The Grass, Audio Novella
Sat Nov 22 – Saint John @ Sunstar Lounge, Evilmp3 DJ set w/The Kettle Black

I thought I was going to blog this whole tour but it hasn’t really worked out that way. Things have been pretty crazy and any free time that I might have used for writing has been instead been spent trying to catch some sleep, there hasn’t been much sleep. In ten minutes I’m going to play an all-ages show and I’m in such a heightened state of horniness that I can hardly think straight.

Purple absinthe from Eastern Europe… all I can say is, wow.

Hello from Sydney, Cape Breton. I’m on tour right now with The Kettle Black. We’re on our way to Newfoundland. I’m just posting because I can, the venue has wireless internet and I’m sending this show out on the webcam. My drink of choice tonight is vodka and lime. I wanna get into it man, you know.
It’s been so warm on the east coast. Last night I slept in a tent on Prince Edward Island. Xoxo. I’m very fortunate and sometimes I get to have a really pretty girlfriend for a weekend, or for one night. I would live on tour for my whole life if I could. In a few minutes I’m going to get up and rock the fuck out of this joint.

Yeah. I’m just posting because I made this flyer, and I’m pretty pleased with it.

Halloween 2008. I’ll be throwing down in Saint John at the Sunstar as 1/2 of the gnarly DJ dancefloor destruction duo, Evilmp3.
I haven’t written much because I’ve been on the road constantly, doing what I do. Tonight I drove to Halifax and played an A/V show at a private party for the Pop Explosion, and then I did what I did, and now it’s 5am and I’m sitting in my car on Creighton Street just about to drive 400km chasing my sunrise shadow all the way back to New Brunswick. I’m feeling good right now! I just hope there’s enough juice left in my iPod to listen to the new Black Ghosts CD before the music dies. I’ll catch up with you tonight in Saint John. I think I’m gonna try to dress up as Yelle. You’ll want to check it out because the beats will be slammin’, plus I make a hot girl.
I’m a road warrior! Trouble never sleeps!

I still have your house key. I know I said I’d give it back a long time ago. But I’ve decided to hang onto it for a little bit longer.
I want you to think about the possibility that one of these nights I’ll show up at your house unannounced. I’ll slide the key into the lock and let myself in your front door. Step silently up the hallway.
Your bedroom door eases open and closes behind me. I pause there for just a moment, hidden in the darkness. You’re half-asleep and you can’t see me. But you know who it is as soon as you feel the weight of my body on top of you, feel me pinning you down on the bed.
My hand clamps over your mouth. You can hear my breathing, my voice in your ear: Don’t you dare make a sound…
You feel my other hand pushing up between your legs. You’re already soaking wet; have you been thinking about me?
In the darkness, the clink of my belt buckle as I unbutton my pants, unzip my fly.
~~
I’m not going to post an mp3 today. I want you to pick out the soundtrack.
Put on something nice for me.

Featuring a special breast appearance by The Chauffeur, who sends along this true story, along with a dramatic photographic recreation:
–
You gave me your load on my tits then promptly went to the bathroom to wash up. I licked off as much as I could and brought the rest to my mouth with my fingers, grateful for what you’d given me. I realized you probably wouldn’t allow me to finish myself off. I knew I didn’t have much time before your return, so I reached down and began kneading my pussy over my stockings. It wasn’t going to work fast enough, I needed skin to skin contact, I jumped too the kitchen sink to wash your cum off my hands. Leaning against the counter, I shove my hands inside my underwear. You came out of the bathroom…my tits covered in the remains of your cum still hanging out of my top and my hands down my stockings.

clicky
Stop that…go get cleaned up.
But I haven’t cum, I need to cum.
I don’t care go get cleaned up.
There is hope that if I am good and do as you say now, that you will reward me with more, more demands, more cum, more of you, or maybe permission to cum. You tell me you are going to sleep…not knowing how you will react I walk past the door toward you and I say no. You grab my throat firm, I have a jolt of excitement…I want to push you further but you need to sleep for your long drive tomorrow, and I don’t want to loose any chance that you will reward me in the morning for being good. I take my horny pussy to the couch and lay awake as the smell of your cock lingers in my nose, the feeling of your hot cum hitting my skin lingers on my breasts…but as much as I want to feel the rush of release, I refrain from touching myself because I was not permitted.
–
Chauffeur, you’re an intelligent woman. I’m sure you know the difference between “to” and “too” and “lose” and “loose.” So I must conclude that either you didn’t care enough about this assignment to pay close attention to your spelling, or else you’re deliberately trying to provoke me into punishing you for trying to drag down the quality of my website with these silly typos of yours. I think ten smacks on the ass per error is a fair punishment, promise me you’ll proofread next time, ok?
Other than that you did a real good job, tiger. I’m going to reward you with an mp3. You don’t know it yet but this is your new favourite jam.
xo philip.
~ Le Castle Vania – Tigertron (Toxic Avenger Remix) [mp3]

~ Before I type anything else, check this out, an anonymous lady just posted this link in the shoutbox: Leia’s Metal Bikini Dot Com. This is rad. There are several photo galleries of women sporting full-on slave-Leia stylings, and I must say, some of them are looking quite foxable. If you decide to wear this costume for Hallowe’en be sure to come out to Gaspereau Forks and knock on my door. I’ll be dressed up as your evil alien slave-master oppressor.
~ OK, I just finished doing this thing I like to do, which is when I run up and down the stairs of my house while listening to “I Against I” by the Bad Brains. After fighting off a cold for the last few days I’d been feeling like a bit of a slug… I hadn’t gotten any exercise all weekend, unless you count jerking off, which in this case, I do not.
I think there is such a thing as good jerking off and bad jerking off. Good jerking off is what happens right after you’ve had sex with someone really hot and you wake up the next day and you’re tortured by the overwhelming rush of erectile memories, and you come with a huge crash before you can even get out of bed, and all day long you’re daydreaming about this certain someone and the testosterone in your system gushes and surges like the waterfall of chocolate sauce that flows freely over the snow-white mountains of ice cream in the beautiful land of Dairy Queen.
Whereas bad jerking off is more like when you’re too lazy to get out of your chair and go do something productive, because it’s easier to just look at a bunch of porn on your computer and get yourself off over and over looking at the breasts of pretty Eastern European girls, and after a while it gets to the point where you’re nothing but a half-dazed cum-machine facing down the law of diminishing returns. Make no mistake, it still feels good but you don’t exactly feel like you’re doing anything to Advance The Cause.
So I guess you could say I had a spate of bad jerking off on the weekend, I’m a bad boy. But today I’m feeling pretty good.
~ Bad Brains – Re-Ignition [mp3]