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I love being scratched and bitten. Go crazy. Do your worst.

The only exceptions are my genitals (yowtch), and my fingers.

Please don't bite my fingers.

September 1997. I was at a dance club with a crew of people and then we all wound up back at a house party. Someone put on a porno film.

Before I go any further in this story, I've got to talk about this porno film. It was an X-rated version of Hamlet.

The main character was an ugly dude with a blond moustache. He had a long noodle that seemed to be perpetually stuck in a weird rubbery state somewhere between erect and flaccid. During closeup shots, it would look like his leading lady was engaging in congress with a wobbly alien tentacle.

The movie was filmed in Italian and overdubbed into English. I remember it contained the line, "To screw or not to screw."

They translated every little bit of ad-libbed dialogue, so Hamlet was always saying things like "Yes yes, very nice cunt."

Hamlet did a lot of chicks up the ass with that space-age noodle of his... Anyway. Everyone was watching this movie and commenting and joking about it. Eventually people started to leave or go to bed or whatever.

Finally--it seemed to take forever-- I found myself alone with The Cute Girl. We jumped on top of each other and started making out all over the place.

She seemed to like things a little rough and kinky (which is fine so do I) but then at one point she took my fingers in her mouth and bit down on them, HARD.

I pulled my hand away from her and jumped back. I think I bounced all the way across the living room. It was this crazy instinctive reflex.

For a couple minutes I didn't even want to go near her--I just eyed her suspiciously from across the room. She'd actually broken the skin on one of my fingers.

I'm a musician. She could have severed a nerve or something. No amount of kinky action is worth that.

Things finally settled down a bit when I explained to her--as I'm explaining to you--please do not bite my fingers.

She felt a little bad. I settled down. Soon we were back at it. I had her pants off, then her underwear. I held her upside-down with her legs in the air and prepared to go down on her. But something was not right in Muffin-Land.

"Um," I said, "did you know you were bleeding?"

She went to the bathroom to sort herself out. When she came back she gave me a huge smile of relief.

Apparently ten days is late enough.

...And that was that.

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[Footnote: X Hamlet googled up for your pleasure.]