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I never owned a cellphone and I was a little bit snooty about it. My opinion was, cellphones are for amateurs. Anyone can get laid at 3 in the morning if they own a cellphone.

Players shouldn't have to resort to that. Ideally, a true player gets all his arrangements worked out well in advance. Then you smile, relax and enjoy your evening.

However... we live in a fast-paced society. Social dynamics are fluid. Even the best-laid plans can go astray, even as fresh opportunities are constantly on the rise.

I recently won a brand-new Samsung A-920 mobile phone along with six months of free service from Aliant. I've been getting to know this little device and all the evil things it's capable of. Text messages, photos, video camera, mp3 player, ringtones (currently a MIDI file of "Breakin' The Law"), and it's even got a tiny version of the Internet built into it.

At first I got a little freaked out when I realized that anyone can reach me, anywhere. Considering I moved out to the middle of the woods to be a hermit, I now get to acquire the habit of ignoring my cellphone.

I was determined from the start not to be one of those rude cellphone people. NOODLE-NOODLE-NOO... the thing went off when I was out somewhere sitting with a table full of friends. I excused myself and got up and moved a little ways away and flipped open the phone. Only then did I say, "Hello." But there was no one there. I had just tried to answer a text message.

Text messaging, that's a whole new thing for me. I've always associated it with the UK for some reason... perhaps from reading The Girl's blog where there always seem to be naughty texts flying back and forth with lots of "arses" and "knickers."

I have a mental image where I'm visiting my parents and sitting down to a nice dinner, and my phone beeps and I take it out and look at it and it's a filthy scandalous text message that makes my eyeballs pop right out of my head. Then I close the phone and put it back in my pocket and continue with my meal.

"What was that, dear."

"Oh... just a reminder of something I have to do."

I have a good phone number. It so happens that on the very day I set up the phone, they opened up a new block of numbers for cellphone use in rural New Brunswick. So I got first pick of 1000 numbers. My phone number could be a taxi company.

That might be kind of appropriate. "Hello, it's Philip... cool, where are you?... OK, I'll pick you up in 10 minutes."

So far I've been pretty selective over who I've given the number to. But if you're reading this site, email me and I will tell you, as long as you are confident that you can surprise and delight me with your text messaging skills.

My favourite thing about the Samasung A-920 is being able to take pictures and shoot little movies. I've been missing out on the visuals ever since my videocamera got stolen last summer by the john of a cross-dressing Scandinavian hooker (don't ask). That really put a dent in the frequency of my blog postings as well.

But now I can take the cameraphone everywhere and I do mean everywhere. Anywhere that I'm likely to show up wearing pants, I've got this unit all set to vibrate in my pocket.

The video camera comes with a feature called a camera light, which is a small but bright spotlight that shines out the front of the phone. The camera light makes it possible to shoot videos in an otherwise completely dark room.

So now we can play a little game called "Night Prowler."

I let myself into your room. Starting at the foot of your bed, the camera light advances up the full length of your naked leg.

I see your body in the warm glow of the digital screen. I'm close, so close I could touch you if I wanted to. So close that your scent fills my head in the darkness.

Your eyes are closed. But you're not asleep. I can tell by the sound of your breathing, by the rise and fall of your breasts, and by your fingers as they slide down the front of your black panties... moving ever so softly in the beam of my light.

Posted by philip on January 12, 2007 01:56 AM | Permalink