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Last time I saw you, there was something I wanted to do. I think it would have turned you on a lot.
I deliberately chose not to do it.
I want to tease you a little bit. I want to give you something special to anticipate. I want to make it so your pussy gets wet when you think about seeing me again.
How's it working?
Oooh I have a secret crush. I usually try to be all cool and aloof about these things but this is special. I feel very shy and I hardly know what to do with myself. Click to see who it is...
It's you... yes, you. xo
My sexretary emailed me out of the blue on the weekend. It had been a while since I'd heard from her.
"...So, short story, I finally bust out of Halifax and find myself living in Montreal, the smut capital of Canada thinking once again of you and how refreshing it would be to own how I feel, which is that I would love to kiss you and feel your greedy hands push me into a wall somewhere and take what you presumptuously please.
Also, I would love to just sit with you by the lake and hear your stories of freedom and scandal. "
I probably wouldn't normally quote an email like this without asking permission. But what kind of world would this be if I suddenly started asking my sexretary for permission? No, I'm going to take her words, and use them any way I want to.
The same way I used her body. The same way I used her mind.
Her message prompted me to dig through the archives until I found this post from February 3, 2005. It is one of my favourite entries ever.
----
These are Philip's words, but this is not Philip typing. Philip is whispering in my ear as I type.I'm lying on my stomach with a pair of thumb cuffs on.
Philip has just removed my panties.
Now Philip is reaching his hand up between my legs. Philip has warned me not to make any typing mistakes, or he will squeeze my right nipple. I am having some difficulty typing because I am horny and cuffed. I have made many silly typographical errors.
Philip is just about to slide two fingers into my pussy.
Philip has two fingers in my cunt right now
he's whispering in my ear
I am twitching
I would like to take off my sweater but I am stuck (my words)
Philip has taken his cock out(Philip's words) and he's rubbinh == it over my ass while he finger fucks me. Philip is tearing opehn a condom wrapper.
Now his cock is up against my pussy. The head of Philip's acock is pressing against my cuynt. a I can feel him working hijmself into me. Philip is getting annoy;ed at all the spelling mistakes i am making. I am a very abasd sexcre
i am a verty bad secretary. philip is laughing at me and fucking ;me at the same timea . He is teasing me with his cock. while he makes me type all of thisa. I am shaking and not typing very; wellal
New Swordfight podcast is up. Hang out with me in a canoe and listen to Trenchmouth, Killing Joke, Shriekback and more.
~ swordfight-podcast-04.mp3
[83MB, total running time 60:12]
Full tracklist at swordfight.org.
Go ahead and scream your head off, it's awesome. I love it when women make lots of noise during sex. Show me what a dirty little mouth you have on you. Shock me.
I think there must be a direct link between my ears and my cock.
And yet I'm always highly aware of my surroundings, almost to an intuitive degree. Sometimes I get self-conscious. It's fun to be really loud during sex but I hate being overheard. That's one of the great things about living alone out in the woods. Otherwise I often seem to be grabbing pillows to stuff in my mouth when I come and so on... it's just a fact of city life.
Maybe about once a year I'll have sex with a woman who's not vocal at all. I always find this a little bit unsettling. It makes me feel like snapping my fingers, waving my hand in front of her face. "Hello? Is anybody home?" Usually I'll just have to pull out and stop. I'll sit there looking at her while I try to figure out if something's wrong. Doesn't exactly bode well for kicking off a torrid long-term affair.
Nonetheless... it's also true that making no sound at all during sex can actually be a quite a turn-on... if you have no choice. Consider that all of this is an introduction to the Hot Action Law of Silent Luv:
The louder a woman normally is during sex, the more intense it will be when she is forced to be completely quiet.
Because sometimes a situation does call for some restraint. Outdoors in a public place, for example. In a secret nook backstage at a bar. Or else...
In a dark bedroom. At a party. With people laughing and talking right outside the bedroom door.
And I've got my hand over your mouth. Fucking you. Taking you slowly from behind.
Your skirt is pushed up, your panties pulled away to one side. My cock slides into you with excruciating slowness. Inch by inch.
You're gripping my wrist tightly, holding my hand in place, keeping my hand over your mouth. As you try desperately not to make a sound.
Every time I hear the slightest whimper from you, I stop. I stand poised and perfectly alert, waiting, with my hard cock up inside you. Waiting for you to get your breath under control. Only then do I resume... drawing back, pulling almost all the way out... before I thrust... right back inside you.
The only sound I will permit is my own voice as I whisper in your ear. I'm warning you not to make a sound. Not one sound out of you. Do you want everyone to know what it is you're doing in here? Is that what you want? Someone could walk into this room at any time, you know that? Fling the door open, hit the light switch and you would be in big trouble. Everyone would see you. Everyone would know what a horny little slut you are, how you just couldn't wait. You just had to get that cock up inside you. Isn't that right?
I reach up under your clothes with my free hand, yank your bra down out of the way and squeeze your breast. I feel you wince as I pinch your nipple. (Quiet! Not one sound out of you.)
You're grinding your ass back against me. And you're breathing so hard it sounds like you might pass right out. Always on the verge of a whimper, a moan, a scream.
I can sense your orgasm building up inside you like a depth charge. Don't you come yet. Don't you dare come.
I shove my cock deep inside you. And again I stop.
I'm forcing myself to hold still. You know why? It's because I'm trying to keep myself from cutting loose and pounding the hell out of your soaking wet little cunt.
My teeth chatter with the effort of control as my hand slides down to grab a handful of your ass. Now I'm the one who's on the verge of crying out.
I bury my face in your hair as your pussy tightens and squeezes around the shaft of my cock.
~ listen: Swayzak - Silent Luv mp3
The spaghetti strap. My favourite feature of women's clothing right now. You see a lot of spaghetti straps in the week between Xmas and New Years, when all the slinky little black dresses come out. But mostly it's a summer thing. Tank tops.
On the right woman bare shoulders can arouse me just as much as bare cleavage. I love shoulders. I want to put my hands on them, squeeze them, kiss them and bite them. Bare skin shiny with heat and sweat. I want to turn you around and pull you in close, taking it all in.
The tops of your breasts. The back of your neck. And shoulder blades, with their slow liquid movement, so sexy.
The key thing about spaghetti straps is their fragility. It doesn't take much to break them, to separate the strap from the garment.
It all begins with an innocent makeout session. Then we start getting a little more rowdy. Next thing you know you're trying to hold it all together while your clothes are falling off and you're falling out of your clothes.
There's no way you can go back to the party now. Not in such a state. "It looks like you're just going to have to take me home."
I suspect every hot girl has a story like this. A fucked-up tank top, stuffed in the back of the closet, that you can't bring yourself to throw away. Secret memories. Maybe you should go retrieve it right now. Run your fingers along the frayed seams, think back to that encounter. How was it? Rough hands on your shoulders, underneath the straps? Pushing you back into a dark corner? A hungry mouth. The smell of sweat...
We have some hot nights ahead of us. Next time you see me be sure to pick out something nice and comfortable to wear.
~ In case you're wondering, yes this post was inspired by a huge plate of spaghetti, which I will now devour.
In the meantime listen to this song by the Black Ghosts and picture me tearing your clothes right off.
~ listen: Black Ghosts - Any Way You Choose To Give It mp3
I shaved my head yesterday and it was about god damn time. After the deed was done I ran my hand back and forth over my fuzzy skull. I looked in the mirror: "Hey, I recognize that guy."
I'm sure I've said this before, but if you'd like to go from being the pretty-cute girl to being the hottest thing in the room, one good way is to get out the clippers and buzz it all off. It works because it's the confident move. Action likes a ballsy woman.
It's funny how I attract different types of women depending merely on the length of my hair.
If you will permit me to generalize, over the years I've noticed that women who prefer shaved heads tend to be looking for a sex-man, whereas women who prefer long hair tend to be looking for a lover-man.
...Which are you?
~ listen: Burial - Etched Headplate [mp3]
I love it when you straddle my face. I could lick that pussy all night, suck you until my whole face is soaking wet and you can hardly hold yourself up.
You're no delicate flower... that's for sure. The way you raise your hips up in the air and smash your cunt down onto my mouth. The way you grind your clit against my teeth. Sometimes you surprise me with your intensity.
But it's not my job to question your need.
It's my job to just lie back and enjoy it.
~ listen: New Order - Ecstasy mp3
I've started a new podcast over at Swordfight and it's making me interested in the internet again. Each episode of the podcast runs about an hour and features lots of great music. Plus you get to listen to the sound of my voice and pretend you’re lying in a meadow resting your head on my chest while I tell you stories of danger and excitement on the Trans-Canada Highway.
Right-click and "save as" [or option-click, for Mac coolkids]
~ swordfight-podcast-01.mp3
~ swordfight-podcast-02.mp3
~ swordfight-podcast-03.mp3
Full tracklists available at swordfight.org.
Toward the end of the Ch’in dynasty, Mo Tun of the Hsiung Nu first established his power. The Eastern Hu were strong and sent ambassadors to parley. They said: ‘We wish to obtain T’ou Ma’s thousand-li horse.’ Mo Tun consulted his advisers, who all exclaimed: ‘The thousand-li horse! The most precious thing in the country! Do not give them that!’ Mo Tun replied: ‘Why begrudge a horse to a neighbour?’ So he sent the horse.
Shortly after, the Eastern Hu sent envoys who said: ‘We wish one of the Khan’s princesses.’ Mo Tun asked advice of his ministers who all angrily said: ‘The Eastern Hu are unrighteous! Now they even ask for a princess! We implore you to attack them!’ Mo Tun said: ‘How can one begrudge his neighbour a young woman?’ So he gave the woman.
A short time later, the Eastern Hu returned and said: ‘You have a thousand li of unused land which we want.’ Mo Tun consulted his advisers. Some said it would be reasonable to cede the land, others that it would not. Mo Tun was enraged and said: ‘Land is the foundation of the State. How could you give it away?’ All those who had advised doing so were beheaded.
Mo Tun then sprang on his horse, ordered that all who remained behind were to be beheaded, and made a surprise attack on the Eastern Hu. The Eastern Hu were contemptuous of him and had made no preparations. When he attacked he annihilated them. Mo Tun then turned westward and attacked the Yueh Ti. To the south he annexed Lou Fan... and invaded Yen. He completely recovered the ancestral lands of the Hsieng Nu previously conquered by the Ch’in general Meng T’ien.
--Tu Mu, Art Of War